Joel Chusid’s Airline Corner (March 2011)

Guest Editor

Guest Editor Joel Chusid

Time flies, and so do I. This blog is a little later than usual since it’s been so busy that I have to squeeze my writing in when I can. Last time it was over the Amazon; today I’m writing this somewhere over frozen Siberia. There isn’t a shortage of unusual airline stories, so I have plenty to draw upon. Enjoy…

Contraband of the Worst Kind

As someone who spends a lot of time in Customs, I see people bringing in a lot of strange things, and animal products tend to raise suspicion among the inspectors. The worst thing is not declaring it and getting caught, so it’s better to be safe than sorry.  And granted, it is the Lunar Year of the Rabbit. So upon arriving at JFK on a Delta flight from Georgetown, Guyana, passenger Roger Levans was following regulations when he declared he was carrying a “cooked rabbit.” Two of his bags contained fruits and vegetables, also prohibited, but when agriculture inspectors opened the third bag to examine the rabbit, they found three bricks of cocaine instead. Oops. A possible explanation was that someone had given him the package to take to the U.S., but rule #1 is never to take a package for someone else unless you know what’s in it.

Unplanned Pork

British carrier easyJet is about as no frills as they come, but you can buy lots of items on board, including bottled water, drinks, merchandise and light meals. Imagine their embarrassment when on a four and a half hour flight from Tel Aviv to London last month the only food they had to offer or sale was ham and bacon baguettes. To its defense, easyJet claims not to carry any pork products and does offer kosher and non-kosher food on its flights to and from Israel…..except on this one day, and the meaty story managed to make it into the Israeli press.

Unplanned Fuel

Speaking of easyJet, their PR department also had to deal with another substance that was loaded on a flight from Birmingham, England to Geneva, the day after Christmas. This time the ground crew provisioned too much fuel, ten tons, in fact, causing the flight to be too heavy to take off. Now any airline person knows if you’re too heavy to land you can fly around and burn off some extra fuel. But this is not an option on the ground. The airline needed to offload some thirty passengers, but only seven volunteered to deplane. The additional 23 poor souls who checked in late were the unlucky ones who were left behind. Passengers claimed they were threatened with arrest if they did not get off. Bags were also offloaded so the plane could take off, so it was not a good start for many people who were headed on their holiday skiing vacations.

Snakes on the Runway

Everyone’s heard the story (or maybe seen the movie) about snakes on a plane. Here’s a case where the snakes, big rock pythons at that, head out on to the runway to sun themselves.  It happens regularly at the Pilanesburg International Airport in northwest South Africa.  The snakes can weigh more than 130 pounds and be as long as fifteen feet, and they can cause serious damage to an aircraft taking off or landing. As there is a strict environmental policy against killing endangered species, specialists come in regularly and move the reptiles to the adjacent “bush”.

Critters on the Plane

As long as there are animals and airplanes, these things are going to happen. Recently an Alaska Airlines Boeing 737 was getting ready to depart SeaTac Airport early one morning for Denver when a rat was discovered running through the cabin. Startled and skittish passengers were quickly deplaned and the aircraft was placed out of service pending the arrival of the exterminator. More disturbing, however, was the story about a passenger who claimed she was attacked by bedbugs in her blanket and on the seats of  not one, but two British Airways flights recently to and from London. She created a website about the experience, complete with graphic pictures and more than you might want to know, and the media was all over it – www.ba-bites.com. A word to the wise: you might eyeball those airline pillows and blankets on your next flight. Of course that’s not a problem in the U.S. where they’ve all but disappeared.

Bagels on a Plane

Passengers boarding a USAirways flight from Boston to Washington one morning claimed to hear suspicious noises from a paper bag in an overhead bin. The crew confronted the bag’s owner, a Florida college professor, who proceeded to get on his cell phone. Handcuffed and escorted off the plane, police later revealed the bag contained a set of keys, a hat, a wallet and a bagel with cream cheese. Just make sure when you’re flying to watch your bagels.

The Secret Life of an Icelandic Flight Attendant

Iceland is a really wonderful country of contrasts, where you can see frozen waterfalls, swim outdoors in the steaming Blue Lagoon all year or try the national dish, putrified shark jaw called hákarl. Icelanders, though, also have a good sense of humor, and the airline Icelandair is no exception. For its Annual Ball Video Competition, one of the submissions went viral and made the rounds on Youtube.com. It’s about a supposed pilot who wakes up in bed after an obviously busy night, showers and very proudly puts on his uniform and heads off to work. Only after boarding it is revealed that the man is actually a flight attendant, although he’s a pilot wannabe. There’s catchy music and a few more surprises, but in the end this short video will leave a smile on your face. See it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p23BMiRu6o.

A Politically Correct Airline

A new airline in Thailand, PC Air, has made headlines by hiring “third’sex” flight attendants. Transsexuals, known as “lady boys” in Thailand, have gone through training and wear special gold name badges. Although common in on the Thai entertainment scene, PC Air’s founder says that he is a believer in equal rights and is helping these young people achieve a dream of being a flight attendant. Flights within Asia are due to start in April.

Women Up Front

Speaking of equal opportunity and in the spirit of Amelia Earhart, this flight wasn’t a global first, but it was unusual. An all-female crew operated an Air Seychelles Boeing 767-300 from Paris to Mahe on March 8. The female senior captain, first officer and the cabin crew were greeted by the media upon arrival. The airline has 462 female and 429 male employees, with an increasing number of ladies taking up senior positions in both in the air on the on the ground flight operations.

Flight Delay in Song

Another story for the ladies:  You’re at the Buenos Aires Aeroparque airport. Your flight is delayed and passenger tempers are frayed, so what do you do? If you’re rock star Cyndi Lauper, you break into song, of course! Using the gate agent’s microphone, she belted out her “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” hit to the delight of the passengers, many of whom chimed in. This just happened last week. You can catch the performance on Youtube.com. One of the videos is here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/12687025.

3-D at 30,000 Feet

In just a few weeks, Nintendo will debut its 3DS game console which gives the illusion of 3-D without the goofy glasses. Using a display developed by Sharp, the left and right eyes see different images. Already in use in games, the technology can be adapted to the aviation industry according to blogger Sam O’Neill, since the cost to produce this has been reduced. Currently 3-D glass-free systems are produced by Sony and Toshiba, but they are expensive. This system could be used for TV and movies or even to project an image from a camera mounted on the nose of the plane. No airline has yet opted to jump into this, so it’s not something you’ll see on your next flight. But as the competition for premium business continues to heat up, sooner or later someone will latch on to it. Think of how long it took movies and telephones to be installed on aircraft after they were first invented!

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